When is the right time to start using a mobility aid?

When is the right time to start using a mobility aid? Is there a right time? I would say that the perfect time is when using an aid increases your quality of life or makes your day-to-day life a little easier.  

I have many chronic illnesses. Apparently, you can’t just have one (you have to catch them all!! (Pokémon reference;-)). The main symptoms I live with on a daily basis are extreme fatigue to the point of muscle failure, the pain of varying degrees and dislocations. By far, the most debilitating of these is extreme fatigue. You can’t describe fatigue to someone who has never experienced it. The way to explain it in a more scientific way is to explain cellular structure. Don’t worry, I’m not going to baffle you with science! Each and every cell in your body needs to have a power source and that is called mitochondria. Those people who have chronic fatigue have damage to this power source. Essentially, it is a faulty battery, and this means that every single process in the body is affected. So you can use up energy simply by digesting food or processing what you are watching on TV. Those who have very severe chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) or myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) have no energy supply within their body to eat or digest food and need to be tube-fed. They need to lie down in a darkened room as the stimulus of light is too much for the body to handle. For those of us with less severe CFS/ME, it is a case of saving energy wherever you can.  
 
I am an ambulatory powerchair user. My house is not accessible, so I just use my powerchair outside of the house. I use it for the school run, for shopping, for socializing, and anywhere I will be sitting for a while. The way my powerchair is set up means that it’s much more comfortable than a regular chair. I probably started using it a lot more regularly about four years ago. I made this change at this point because I was physically exhausted. I literally don’t even know how I survived this time, as I had a young child. I was being woken up multiple times in the night, and my internalized ableism wouldn’t allow me to do it earlier. Even though I was a disabled parent either in or out of my powerchair, I didn’t want any judgment from anyone about my abilities as a parent. I wish I had started using it more often, much, much sooner. 
 
Mobility aids can take many different forms. From a walking stick or crutches to a manual wheelchair or powerchair. From rollators to mobility scooters. How do you decide what might work for you? This might be down to what you feel comfortable using. I am strangely much more comfortable with using my powerchair than I am using a walking stick. I think this may be due to the image I am projecting using it. This has nothing to do with what the general public will think about a relatively young woman using a walking stick, but it has to do with my own ableism and worry over what people might think seeing me use it.  
 
Before I went ahead and bought a power chair, I had been renting one for a few months. This made it blatantly clear in my mind and with how my body felt after using it that I really should have done this earlier. The relief of getting back from a shopping trip or a time outside and not feeling that you immediately need to go to bed and sleep was life-changing. I honestly felt like a different person. I was able to function much more effectively. I was sleeping less and engaging with family and friends much more. I was also in less pain, had less post-exertion malaise, and felt like I was getting some of my quality of life back. I wished that I had done it so much sooner. Is it time for you to consider looking into using a mobility aid? 

Breaking the Silence: The Emotional Journey of Living with a Hidden Disability

The definition of disability is a persistent and significant impairment of a person’s social and economic

participation or involvement. However, there are various types of disabilities – visible, hidden, physical,

and intellectual. Of course, the degree of disability also plays a role. But when do we classify an individual as

disabled? What if the person does not feel disabled at all but is still labeled as such because they have a

disability?

Exploring the concept of disability involves delving into a complex spectrum of conditions that can manifest in

various forms. Visible disabilities, such as mobility impairments, are apparent to the observer. Hidden

disabilities, on the other hand, may not be immediately noticeable but can significantly impact an individual’s

daily life, such as mental health conditions or chronic illnesses.

Physical disabilities encompass challenges related to motor function, mobility, and coordination. These may

result from congenital conditions, accidents, or illnesses. Intellectual disabilities affect cognitive functions,

impacting learning, problem-solving, and adaptive skills. The diversity within the realm of disabilities is vast,

with each condition presenting unique challenges and requiring tailored support. (1)

The degree of disability further adds nuance to the discussion. Some individuals may experience mild

impairments that have minimal impact on their daily lives, while others may face severe limitations that

necessitate significant accommodations. The multifaceted nature of disability highlights the importance of

recognizing the individuality of each person’s experience. (2)

One critical aspect to consider is the subjective perception of disability. What society may label as a disability

might not align with how an individual perceives themselves. Some individuals may embrace their unique

abilities and consider their differences as strengths rather than limitations. Others may not identify with the

term “disabled” at all, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging diverse perspectives.

I am one of them. From the outside, nobody would ever consider me a disabled person. I can walk, sit, drink,

drive, and work like any typical, healthy individual. However, the significant difference lies in the fact that my

disability is hidden. I was born with an open abdominal wall, leading to numerous surgeries, including the

reconstruction of my bladder and the removal of my left kidney.

Navigating life with a hidden disability presents a set of challenges that often go unnoticed by the casual

observer. While I may appear able-bodied in many aspects of daily life, the complexities of managing a hidden

disability like mine extend beyond the visible surface.

In my teenage years, the invisible struggles became particularly pronounced, marked by a profound sense of

insecurity, persistent pain, and an internal struggle that mirrored the physical intricacies of my condition.

The journey through adolescence is challenging for most, but for those grappling with hidden disabilities or

disabilites in general, the challenges can be particularly daunting. In a phase where self-identity and social

acceptance take center stage, my hidden disability added layers of complexity to the typical teenage

experience. The constant battle between wanting to fit in and the unique challenges imposed by my condition

created a profound sense of insecurity.

The invisible nature of my disability also intensified the struggle. Friends and peers might not readily

understand the internal battles I faced. The pain, both physical and emotional, became a silent companion,

shaping my interactions and coloring my perceptions of self-worth. The pressure to conform to societal norms,

coupled with the internalized stigma associated with disability, exacerbated the teenage journey of self-

discovery.

Navigating high school and peer relationships involved, not only managing the academic rigors but also

maneuvering through social dynamics that often overlooked the invisible struggles I faced. The fear of

judgment and the desire to be perceived as “normal” fueled moments of self-isolation, creating internal

conflicts that added layers of complexity to the already intricate tapestry of teenage life.

However, one of the most challenging aspects during those years was grappling with the profound impact my

hidden disability had on intimate relationships, coupled with the emergence of mental health issues.

The innate human desire for connection, especially during the teenage years, became a poignant source of

internal conflict. While friends embarked on explorations of romance and intimacy, my hidden disability

presented unique challenges that left me feeling isolated and inadequate.

The numerous surgeries I underwent also left me deeply insecure about my body. A prominent scar extending

from my belly button became a constant reminder of the medical journey I had traversed. This physical marker,

while emblematic of resilience and survival, also intensified feelings of self-consciousness and body image

concerns. The fear of being judged or rejected due to these visible reminders of my hidden disability further

complicated my ability to engage in intimate relationships.

The impact of surgeries on my body also extended beyond the visible scar. I grappled with vaginismus, a

condition characterized by involuntary muscle spasms that made intimacy painful and emotionally fraught. The

intersection of physical and emotional challenges created a barrier to the closeness and connection that many

experience during their formative years.

For me, it was a journey marked by moments of frustration, heartache, and a longing for understanding from

both myself and potential partners. The emotional landscape was often clouded by a pervasive feeling of being

unlovable as if my hidden disability cast an indelible shadow on my capacity to be loved and accepted. The fear

that no one would see beyond the scars, both visible and invisible, became a persistent companion in the quest

for connection.

As I confronted these challenges head-on, the journey towards self-acceptance became transformative.

Embracing my body, scars, and all became a powerful act of reclaiming my narrative. It was a declaration that

my hidden disability did not define my worth or capacity for intimacy. It involved fostering open

communication with partners, breaking down the stigma associated with both visible and hidden disabilities,

and advocating for a more inclusive understanding of diverse bodies and experiences.

The fear of rejection started dissipating as I found strength in vulnerability, allowing potential partners to

witness the resilience that emerged from overcoming challenges. It became a journey of self-love and self-

acceptance, an acknowledgment that I am deserving of love not in spite of my hidden disability but because of

the strength it has instilled in me.

Despite the difficulties, this period of emotional turbulence became a catalyst for personal growth. It

propelled me toward a deeper understanding of resilience, self-compassion, and the importance of seeking

assistance when navigating the intricate intersections of hidden disabilities and mental health challenges. It

also highlighted the need for societal conversations that address the diverse experiences within the disabled

community, acknowledging the multifaceted nature of identity and the impact it can have on mental well-

being.

Years after my initial diagnosis of vaginismus, there was a notable improvement in my condition, and I

eventually reached a point where intimacy became possible. Reaching a point where intimacy was possible

marked a significant triumph over the obstacles posed by vaginismus. It was a testament to the resilience of

the human spirit and the potential for healing, even in the face of challenging conditions.

Also, one of the unique aspects of a hidden disability is the constant need to navigate a world designed without

considering the challenges that may arise. Simple tasks that others take for granted often require careful

planning and consideration on my part. The invisible nature of my disability means that society might not

readily recognize the additional effort and resilience it takes to navigate a world not inherently accommodating

to diverse needs.

Yet, the hidden nature of my disability has also allowed me to develop a profound sense of self-awareness and

empathy. I’ve learned to articulate my needs, educate others about invisible disabilities, and advocate for the

understanding that goes beyond the visible. This journey has made me acutely aware of the power of

perception and the importance of fostering a society that recognizes and accommodates the diversity of

disabilities, both visible and hidden.

In the workplace, relationships, and everyday encounters, I navigate a delicate balance between disclosure and

privacy. The decision to reveal my hidden disability often involves assessing the level of understanding and

acceptance within a given context. It’s a nuanced dance that requires a keen sense of when to educate,

advocate, and simply navigate the challenges independently.

For example, in professional settings, the choice to disclose my hidden disability is a calculated one. While

workplaces are becoming more inclusive, there can still be a lingering fear of potential biases or

misconceptions. Therefore, I often find myself leaning towards maintaining privacy at work, focusing on my

capabilities rather than potential preconceptions surrounding my hidden disability.

This preference for privacy in professional spaces stems from a desire to be recognized for my skills, expertise,

and contributions without the filter of preconceived notions. The workplace, often driven by deadlines and

goals, might not be the most conducive environment for comprehensive education about the intricacies of my

hidden disability.

In contrast, with my closest friends and family, there exists a level of trust and understanding that allows for

more open conversations about my hidden disability. Here, the dance between disclosure and privacy is less

guarded, and I find solace in sharing my experiences and challenges. The acceptance and support received in

these personal spheres contribute significantly to my overall well-being, reinforcing the importance of a

supportive network.

Feeling good in my own skin and desiring acceptance as “normal” become paramount in these personal

relationships. The desire to be seen beyond the lens of a hidden disability is not just about seeking validation

but creating spaces where I am acknowledged for who I am rather than what society may perceive me to be.

The strength of these personal connections lies in the genuine acceptance and love that transcends any

perceived differences.

Ultimately, the delicate dance between disclosure and privacy is a continuous journey. It adapts to the varying

landscapes of professional and personal life, reflecting the nuanced nature of living with a hidden disability.

While my inclination may be to stay private in certain contexts, the ultimate goal is to foster environments

where understanding, empathy, and acceptance can flourish, contributing to a more inclusive and

compassionate society.

A crucial juncture in this ongoing journey is the internal process of accepting my disability and navigating the

healing journey in my own way. Acceptance is not a one-time event but an evolving process, requiring

patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to understanding and embracing the unique aspects of my

identity. It involves acknowledging both the visible and hidden aspects of my disability, recognizing them not as

limitations but as integral parts of my multifaceted self.

Navigating this path towards self-acceptance also involves shedding the societal expectations and stereotypes

that may have been internalized over time. It’s about rewriting the narrative surrounding disability and

recognizing that living with a hidden disability doesn’t diminish one’s worth or capacity for a fulfilling and

meaningful life. Embracing one’s unique journey becomes a powerful act of defiance against societal norms

that perpetuate narrow definitions of normalcy.

Living authentically, free from the constraints of societal expectations, allows for a more genuine connection

with oneself. It’s an acknowledgment that true fulfillment comes from aligning one’s life with personal values,

passions, and aspirations rather than conforming to external benchmarks. The journey becomes an exploration

of self-discovery, self-expression, and the celebration of one’s unique identity.

1 https://cpdonline.co.uk/knowledge-base/care/different-types-of-disabilities/

2 https://www.antidiskriminierungsstelle.de/EN/about-discrimination/grounds-for-discrimination/disability-and-chronic-disease/disability- and-chronic-disease-node.

Dating as a Woman with a Disability

Let’s get this straight. It’s not easy dating as a disabled woman. It’s not impossible, but it’s not easy. At least not for me. In order to have a successful date, we need to find a person who is sensitized and aware, or at least willing to be. A person who doesn’t look for a magazine body, who wants to meet someone for real, who doesn’t expect someone unreal. A person looking for someone else, no matter what. It is ironic that they reject us for our visible "flaws" but... how many people with invisible "flaws" have we met? Isn’t it much worse? Think about it! The problem is not outside. If you know me a little, you’ll know I don’t look like a shameful person. People often tell me how confident I am, but behind that image are many insecurities and fears. Which I work on, of course. But it helps me a lot to portray that image because it makes me believe it. But in the romantic theme, it costs me a little more.

I remember one time I was talking to a guy through messages. We hadn’t met in person, but as he saw my Instagram photos, I understood that he had seen that I have a limb difference. I often find it difficult to bring it up for fear of being rejected, but I decided to jump in, and it turned out the guy didn’t know what I was talking about. As long as it took him to answer me, I knew he was checking my photos, so he came back to the conversation and said, "It’s okay," but I never heard from him again. Apparently, it wasn’t okay... I have met many guys just like this, and this story has been repeated many times, in different contexts.

For me, my attitude is very different depending on where I am, it is not the same to be betrayed by a screen as it is to be with the person physically. When I am in person, it is much easier for me because I am a very humorous person, and that is a plus for me, so I take the subject more freely. In fact, in that context, I do not usually avoid it. I said, “not usually,” but it is true that sometimes I have gone to a party and I have ended the night with some guy. When we were going back home I realized that in all the time I had been with him I had been avoiding that my stump was seen. Have I really selected whether or not I wanted to be a disabled woman at the time? Yes, I confess.

Whether we want to talk about it or not, one thing is clear: the physical is not the problem. The problem is to pretend that all bodies are the same and that non-disabled bodies are the perfect bodies. And, of course, we should not "talk about this" since it is something so natural that we all should take for granted that there are different bodies and not suffer if they reject us for being as we are. That is the future we must fight for.

I don’t care if this partner is for a date, a night, a few months, or a lifetime. Being comfortable, safe, and respected is everything. And we shouldn’t be ashamed of our disability, but with the pressure to fulfill so many stereotypes it’s normal that we are, but from here I tell you that nothing happens. We have absolute control of ourselves, and whatever we seem to do will be fine. If you need to talk about your condition with that person, do it. If you don’t feel like it, don’t. I have very good experiences, dating guys with whom it has not been necessary to talk and others with whom it has not occurred to me to do it. I am the only one who knows how far I want to go, and having that control is wonderful. It gives me a lot of power. And yes, this whole lesson of self-esteem and empowerment is all very well, but back to the beginning. It is very good that we identify ourselves in our condition, but a very important part is missing: society must be sensitized. We cannot fall under the pressure of not being able to date whomever we want because that same person does not want a woman "like us." We have to be able to meet whoever we want, and we have to fight for that. Our work is very important, and even if it costs us to find the right person, every failed attempt to find someone worth it will have been a lesson in diversity for that person, one less to raise awareness.

I said before that dating as a disabled woman it’s not easy, but let’s finish with that part, sometimes it is. Sometimes magic happens, and you find a person who fits perfectly into the ideal of an equal and respectful partner, not capacitive or paternalistic. There are many men I’ve dated who not only have respected me, but also one of the things they liked most about me was precisely how special my disability makes me. Men who came to me knew what was waiting for them, and they liked that. It was not a reason for rejection. And that is beautiful.

We don’t need to just be loved. We need to be loved the way we are.

Let’s not forget that.

Unleash Your Energy: A Spoonie's Guide to Bathing and Dressing

I have a diagnosis of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, also known as ME. The mechanism behind this disease is that the powerhouse of the cell known as mitochondria is damaged; therefore, all the cells in the body have a faulty power source. It's much like plugging your phone in when you go to bed and charging it for the whole night, but it will never get above 20% if you're lucky. This is what people with chronic fatigue must live with daily. We go to sleep, often early, sleep the whole night through, and wake up with very little energy. We are often referred to as spoonies. This is because of the spoon theory, which was coined by writer and blogger Christine Miserandino in 2003. She used it as a way to express how it felt to have lupus. She explained the viewpoint in a diner; she gave her friend a handful of spoons and described them as units of energy to be spent performing everyday actions, representing how chronic illness forced her to plan out days and actions in advance to not run out of energy. This is where the spoon theory got its name and, therefore, 'spoonie.' 

Many people, because of chronic illness, neurodivergent conditions, and mental health conditions, experience fatigue. In this blog, I will be suggesting some hints and tips to help with energy conservation when washing and dressing.  

If you are showering or bathing prior to getting dressed, then the energy conservation should start there. I personally do not wash every day; I find the whole experience really exhausting, and I probably wash every 2-3 days, depending on the level of activity and what I am doing. When my daughter was a baby, I would use her baby wipes to have a freshen up between washing properly. This generally was not very satisfactory, and recently, I have found a brand that is amazing and honestly makes me feel as fresh as when I have had a shower but without being quite as exhausting. They have chlorohexidine in them, and therefore, any bacteria associated with body odors are eliminated. These are a great idea and are a real alternative to expending energy showering or bathing.  

In my home, I have a set up in my bathroom where I have the option to sit down when I am showering. I have a bathboard, which I got from my local equipment services. This board sits on the top of the bath, and I have had a second riser rail lower down on the wall to sit where I need it to for effective showering and keeping me warm. I find that I need to keep warm as spending energy shivering is not only unpleasant but also a waste of energy. I utilize a long loofah so that I am able to wash my back by myself; I also use a sponge so that it lathers up well without needing to use my hands. Rubbing them together will expend more energy than is necessary.  

I don't have the energy to wash and dry my hair. I have long hair, too, so the workaround I have for this is to either ask my partner to do it for me (which, as you can imagine, is no spa experience) or I go to my local hairdressers once a week and have a wash and blow dry. I am able to wear my hair down for 3-4 days and then wear it up for three days, and then I go and get it blow-dried again at the hairdresser. This won't work for everyone as some people won't be able to get out of the house or even into the bathroom. There is always the option of air drying, which is a perfectly good alternative.  

After I've finished my bath or shower, I will make sure I have a towel close by so that I can immediately wrap up against the cold. As mentioned previously, you do not want to be getting cold. I like to essentially drip dry as far as possible. I would try to keep the bathroom as warm as possible to avoid draughts. This time also allows me to rest after the exertion of the washing in the shower. If it's the summer, sometimes, after overheating in the heat and shower, I will need to lie down for a bit, elevating my legs. The heat can drop my blood pressure, so I need somewhere where I can sit and put my head between my knees. Take your time, and make sure you have allowed for recovery time after washing.  

When it comes to getting dressed, I will have all the clothing ready prior to getting in the shower/bath, therefore reducing the time and being able to get warm quickly. I always sit down on a chair or on my bed. This can stop problems with balance fainting and will conserve energy.  

As a woman, I struggle with comfortable underwear. There are products available that can make this easier. These include magnetic clasps on bras instead of the traditional hook and eye, which can be very difficult for those with dexterity problems. These will generally do up at the front and be easier to get dressed. I struggle with dislocations and subluxations in my shoulders, so either putting on a bra, clasping it together at the front, and then turning it around to the back. There are aids that can help with putting socks on, and these are easily available on sites such as Amazon or mobility websites. You may be able to have these prescribed by occupational therapy services in your area, too.  

I find that clothing that has an expandable waistline or clothing with some stretch is more comfortable to wear but also easier to put on. You can find fashionable clothing from designers such as Unhidden and Even Adaptive, which have hidden zips and seams that open in order to access ports, stomas, and other medical devices. So functional does not have to mean unfashionable. I am still young, so I am interested in looking good as well as feeling comfortable.  

To summarise, I would recommend preparing properly and getting a towel and clothing ready prior to washing. Sit down to wash if you can; keep yourself warm and prevent shivering to conserve energy. Always sit to get dressed, and wear clothing that is easy to put on. Always use aids if appropriate to you. I hope that this can be of some use.  

Embrace Your Allure: Tips for Feeling Sexy with Disabilities

The concept of beauty has undergone a significant transformation in today's society. In the past, beauty was often narrowly defined by societal standards that emphasized physical appearance and symmetry. However, in the 21st century, the notion of beauty has expanded to encompass a more diverse and inclusive range of attributes.

People of all backgrounds and appearances are now celebrated for their unique qualities, challenging the once-dominant notion that beauty can only be defined by a narrow set of characteristics.

Another significant shift in contemporary society's perception of beauty is the increased emphasis on self-expression. Today, beauty is not merely a static, fixed image to conform to but a canvas for personal creativity. People are encouraged to express themselves through fashion, makeup, and other forms of personal style. This shift allows individuals to take ownership of their appearance, redefining beauty as a reflection of their personal identity and self-confidence. Consequently, the idea of beauty is more closely linked to self-acceptance and authenticity rather than conformity to external norms.

In contrast to past generations, where physical appearance was often the sole measure of beauty, today's society values inner qualities as equally important. Kindness, intelligence, empathy, and a sense of humor are just a few of the inner qualities that are now considered beautiful. The recognition of these qualities highlights a shift in societal values towards appreciating the holistic beauty of an individual.

Social media also have played a pivotal role in shaping the modern concept of beauty. While these platforms have their merits, they have also led to new challenges. The portrayal of unrealistic beauty standards on social media has raised concerns about the impact on self-esteem and mental health. However, it has also given a voice to those challenging conventional beauty norms and advocating for more authentic representations of beauty.

Individuals with disabilities often possess a remarkable adaptability and creativity that can serve as an inspiration for everyone. Whether it's finding innovative ways to navigate the physical world, developing exceptional problem-solving skills, or fostering resilience in the face of adversity, individuals with disabilities exemplify the beauty of adaptability.

One of the most notable changes is the increasing representation of individuals with disabilities in the fashion world. Models with diverse abilities, including those who use wheelchairs, have prosthetic limbs or have other unique physical attributes, are now gracing runways and ad campaigns. This shift towards inclusivity challenges the longstanding notion of a "one-size-fits-all" industry. Fashion brands are realizing that showcasing a wide range of body types, abilities, and experiences is not only a moral imperative but also a smart business move, as it resonates with a broader audience.

The fashion industry is also making significant strides in the development of adaptive fashion. Adaptive clothing is designed with the specific needs and challenges of individuals with disabilities in mind. It takes into account factors such as ease of dressing, comfort, and accessibility. Adaptive clothing includes features like magnetic closures, adjustable hems, and designs that accommodate assistive devices, thus enhancing the accessibility of fashion for a broader spectrum of individuals.

Many Designers have introduced adaptive lines, proving that fashion can be both stylish and functional. These adaptive collections not only improve the lives of individuals with disabilities but also foster a sense of empowerment and inclusion, as they can now participate more fully in the world of fashion.

In addition to representation and adaptive fashion, disability in the fashion world is also about advocacy and driving social change. Many individuals with disabilities are not only models but also advocates who work to challenge stereotypes and promote inclusivity. They use their platform to raise awareness and change the narrative around disability in the industry.

Organizations like the Runway of Dreams Foundation are dedicated to creating a more inclusive fashion industry. They partner with brands to develop adaptive clothing lines and host events that showcase models with disabilities. These efforts aim to promote the idea that disability is a natural and beautiful part of the human experience, deserving of equal representation.

It all sends a powerful message. It tells the world that sensuality is not confined to a specific mold, but rather, it is a multifaceted concept that is defined by the self-assuredness and individuality of the person. The embrace of diversity in the industry is a testament to the growing recognition that everyone deserves to feel sexy and confident in their own skin.

Nevertheless, feeling sexy with a disability begins with self-confidence. Confidence is the key to embracing one's unique body, abilities, and identity. It is about recognizing that physical attributes do not solely determine sensuality but is also a product of self-assuredness and self-acceptance.

Rather than trying to fit into preconceived molds of what is considered sexy, self-confidence encourages individuals to define their own standards of attractiveness.

Moreover, self-confidence serves as a source of inspiration and empowerment for others. As individuals with disabilities embrace their unique sensuality with confidence, they become trailblazers, challenging established norms and inspiring others to do the same. 

There is also no need to be ashamed of wearing sexy lingerie with a disability. The idea that one's body may not conform to conventional norms can lead to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. However, it is essential to recognize that sensuality knows no boundaries, and everyone’s body is beautiful the way it is.

Also, wearing sexy lingerie with a disability is an empowering act of self-expression. It is a statement that one's sensuality is not confined to societal expectations or misconceptions. It is a celebration of the unique beauty and allure that lies within every individual.

Have fun wearing and removing sexy lingerie!

To boost your confidence, here are some essential steps to keep in mind:

1. Self-Acceptance: Begin by nurturing self-acceptance. Recognize that beauty is not confined by conventional norms. Celebrate your uniqueness, which includes your disability, as an intrinsic aspect of your identity.

2. Choice of Lingerie: Select lingerie that resonates with your personal style and comfort. Choosing pieces that you feel good in can significantly boost self-confidence.

3. A Positive Environment: Create an atmosphere that promotes relaxation and self-assuredness. Soft lighting, soothing music, and a comfortable setting can set the mood for a positive experience.

4. Open Communication: If you have a partner, communication is key. Express your needs, boundaries, and desires, fostering trust and understanding. Effective communication ensures that both you and your partner have a mutually enjoyable experience.

5. Self-Appreciation: As you reveal yourself in lingerie, take a moment to appreciate your unique allure. Recognize that sensuality is a profoundly personal experience, and your individuality is something to be celebrated.

By embracing these steps, you can confidently engage in the process of wearing and removing sexy lingerie. This practice not only reaffirms self-acceptance but also amplifies sensuality, making a powerful statement that beauty and empowerment are inclusive. 

 Souce: https://www.runwayofdreams.org/

Disability and Intimacy: A Personal Perspective on Self-Care

Being a woman with a disability is a big responsibility. You may feel it is your responsibility to overthrow the patriarchy our society has established and all the ableist factors that limit our daily lives. Not only do we have to fight for our rights, but we also have to justify that we have the capacity to deserve them... and that's exhausting. That's why we often need a helping hand. Intimate moments are essential to our quality of life. Oh, I'm sure you think of many things when you hear the word "intimate," but let me take you to another dimension of intimacy: self-care.

People have constant occupations. Every activity we do in our day-to-day, simple as it is, is an occupation, and these, which are many and very varied, have something in common and is that they are significant. Some are less than others, of course, but all seek to make sense of what we do, who we are, and who we want to become. Among the basic activities of daily life, we find that self-care is the foundation of all of them.

When we talk about self-care, we mean "taking care of oneself". You may think this sounds superficial, but to take care of yourself, you must be able to do so. For women with disabilities, this is really interesting because, through society's lens, we are less able to take care of ourselves. Besides being totally false, this is one more reason for our mind to collapse and need more than ever to relax. Therefore, returning to the subject, self-care is a way of relating intimately with ourselves. It's love, care and respect. But then... how can I do it? Self-care can be from going to the movies, ordering your favorite food or buying a new pair of shoes, relaxing and watching your favorite reality show, having a meaningful conversation with someone, or strolling through the park. All of these things are ways to be intimate with yourself. This intimacy goes beyond the carnal. It's relating to you and yourself. It is to be able to know you, to know your likes and dislikes, to know your strengths and your defects. It is to listen to you and your body. Intimacy is embracing your disability to see you recognized in it and accept your reality. When discussing our social dimension, it is easier to open yourself to others if you open up to yourself first. Interpersonal relationships are essential to our nature, but they can only occur with a prior awareness of ourselves as people. Then, we can give way to other forms of intimacy, such as affective or sexual. Women with disabilities are significantly in need of this intimacy. Intimacy helps us verify that our body is well, it is beautiful, it is desired, it is valid, and we will understand that other people will love us as we are and we deserve love.

Intimacy is also taking time to convince yourself that you can get the job you want without discrimination. Women are pressured into achieving empowerment and professional success to confirm that men and women are equal. The effort and frustration to show that we are equal is multiplied for women with disabilities. Our capabilities are questioned, our abilities are doubted, and our integrity is examined. Due to this pressure and injustice, women are crying out for self-care and intimacy.

The pressure society places on women stems from our choices being endlessly questioned. Do we study one career or another, aspire to significant work positions, be a mother or not, make our own decisions, take charge of our life, live as a single woman or as a couple... everything we do will be questioned just because we're women. But if you add the word "disability," these pressures are amplified. We've been taught that we have to be perfect. This is a great weight on our shoulders. Hence, creating time to be intimate with your self-care, pampering yourself, dressing yourself, understanding your emotions, and respecting yourself as a woman in a safe space is very important.

This is why self-care and intimacy go hand in hand. The importance of performing self-care activities allows us to achieve a quality of life that will enable us to develop our daily satisfaction, thus being able to play all the roles that, as women, correspond to us. Exploring and enjoying our privacy is one of them. As women with disabilities, society makes us believe that we are condemned not to enjoy our privacy - in any way - but isn't it wonderful to know that's not true?

Take care and fill yourself with intimate moments in your own way because you deserve them.

Dating With Disabilities

Dating can be challenging for anyone, but it can be particularly daunting for individuals with disabilities. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 16% of the world's population lives with a disability, making it a significant demographic. Despite this, individuals with disabilities often feel excluded from the dating scene, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

The struggle to access suitable dating venues is a poignant reminder of the physical barriers that many individuals with disabilities encounter. The absence of accessible public transportation can be a deterrent, restricting their ability to travel independently to potential meeting places. Public places like restaurants, bars, and movie theaters may not always be equipped to accommodate individuals with disabilities. This lack of accessibility can make it difficult to plan dates and limit the number of potential dating options.

Beyond the physical limitations, the psychological battle against negative stereotypes remains also as a daunting challenge. It's disheartening to acknowledge that, despite progress, societal misconceptions persist. Society often portrays individuals with disabilities as weak, helpless, and dependent, which can be discouraging when trying to form romantic relationships.

As previously mentioned, dating can be challenging, but in today’s world of modern dating new challenges and intricacies has emerged, with one particularly notable phenomenon known as "ghosting." Ghosting refers to the abrupt and unexplained cessation of communication between two people who were previously engaging in a romantic or potential romantic relationship. 

Ghosting can take an even heavier toll on individuals with disabilities due to the heightened emotional vulnerabilities they may experience. Many people with disabilities have encountered prejudice, discrimination, and ignorance throughout their lives. Being ghosted can reinforce negative self-perceptions and trigger memories of past instances where they felt excluded or undervalued. 

Moreover, individuals with disabilities might already grapple with self-esteem issues stemming from their condition, making the sudden disappearance of a potential partner even more distressing. Ghosting can amplify feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, leading to a downward spiral of negative emotions that affect mental well-being. 

However, despite these challenges, there are also many opportunities that come with dating with a disability. One of the most significant opportunities is the chance to bond over shared experiences, which can foster profound connections that might not be as easily formed in other circumstances. Individuals with disabilities often encounter similar challenges and obstacles in a world that sometimes fails to provide adequate accommodations or understanding. These shared experiences create a bridge of empathy, allowing them to connect on a level that transcends the initial attraction.

When two individuals with disabilities come together, they can engage in conversations that revolve around their unique life journeys. This shared perspective allows them to discuss not only the struggles they face but also the triumphs they've achieved, providing a safe space to celebrate each other's growth and resilience.

Moreover, the shared experiences can also serve as a foundation for growth and mutual support. Conversations might involve sharing tips, advice, and strategies for navigating daily life with greater ease. From discussing accessible venues for dates to sharing insights about assistive technologies or accessible transportation, these conversations can contribute to a more inclusive and enriched dating experience.

On the other hand, when one person has a disability while the other does not, an opportunity arises to bridge diverse perspectives and enrich the relationship through understanding. This dynamic can foster a relationship built on mutual learning, where the person without a disability learns about accessibility and inclusivity, while the person with a disability experiences a supportive and inclusive partnership.

Therefore, if you are a person with a disability who is interested in dating, there are many things that you can do to increase your chances of success. 

Here are some recommendations from us for dating with a disability:

1. Be Confident: Confidence is an extraordinary asset as you navigate the world of dating. Embrace your self-assuredness and your unique qualities. When you radiate belief in yourself, others are drawn to your captivating energy. It's not about perfection, but about embracing your individuality and appreciating the distinctive traits you bring to the table.

2. Be Honest Authenticity lays the foundation for meaningful connections. Embrace your disability as an integral part of your identity. Being upfront about your disability and its role in shaping your life and aspirations demonstrates a deep respect for both yourself and potential partners. This candid conversation establishes the cornerstone of a relationship built on genuine trust, understanding, and unconditional acceptance.

3. Use Dating Apps and Inclusive Dating Platforms: Dating apps and inclusive platforms offer a vibrant space to express your personality and interests, allowing others to know you beyond the lens of your disability. However, it's essential to approach this realm with a balanced perspective. Stay grounded in realistic expectations, ensuring that you protect your emotional well-being while exploring these avenues.

4. Be Patient: Patience becomes your guiding light in the pursuit of genuine companionship. Finding a compatible partner is a journey that demands time, irrespective of ability. This path might curve unexpectedly, but each encounter contributes to personal growth and learning. Cultivating a patient outlook equips you to embrace the process fully, cherishing each experience along the way. Remember, the right person is worthy of your patience.

Also don't let yourself be disheartened if others pass judgment based on your disability. Keep in mind that you have the strength to rise above their opinions. If you find yourself connecting with someone and choose to share your disability with them, only for them to suddenly disregard your messages, recognize that their behavior speaks more about them than it does about you. In this scenario, you've spared yourself the ordeal of engaging with someone who doesn't value your worth. Your time is better spent pursuing connections with individuals who appreciate you for who you are, disabilities and all. This way, you've effectively avoided potentially investing weeks in exchanges with someone who would have proved to be incompatible or unkind.

Keep in mind as well, if your date is not aware of your disability, appreciate the gestures of assistance from your date, but feel free to graciously decline if you wish to. It's worth noting that if your date hasn't had much experience with disabled individuals, they might be unsure about how to navigate certain situations. While many individuals with disabilities value their independence, some find it heartwarming when their date offers to provide more help than necessary. It’s entirely acceptable to accept help when it feels right, but you can also politely refuse if you'd like to establish your boundaries. 

In conclusion dating with a disability reinforces the notion that love knows no bounds. It reminds us that at the core of every romantic relationship are shared emotions, aspirations, and a mutual yearning for connection. As society continues to progress towards greater inclusivity, the world of dating is transforming into a more diverse and accepting realm, where individuals with disabilities can embark on their own unique journeys of love, companionship, and self-discovery.

 WHO: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/disability-and-health#:~:text=Key%20facts,1%20in%206%20of%20us.
 Bumble: https://bumble.com/en/the-buzz/what-is-ghosting-and-how-not-to-do-it-dating#

Communicating With Your Partner About Intimacy

Intimacy is a beautiful and essential aspect of any romantic relationship. It involves connecting with your partner on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level, and it can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. Nevertheless, for individuals with disabilities discussing intimacy can be a daunting task. They may face unique barriers to intimacy, including physical limitations, chronic pain, or psychological obstacles that can make it difficult to communicate their needs and desires.

Despite these challenges, individuals with disabilities have the same desires for intimacy and physical pleasure as anyone else, although they may need to approach intimacy differently and may require additional support and understanding from their partners. This is where open and honest communication comes in.

Talking to your partner about intimacy with a disability can be challenging, but it can also be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and deepen your connection. By creating a safe and comfortable space for open and honest conversations, you can explore different forms of intimacy.

In this article, we will explore five tips and provide practical advice on how to navigate these conversations effectively. We will also discuss the unique challenges individuals with disabilities face and provide insights and resources to help you and your partner navigate the challenges of intimacy with empathy and understanding. 

So, let us dive in and discover how you can improve intimacy in your relationship, regardless of any physical or psychological obstacles you may face.

Tip #1: Create a safe space for communication

The first step in discussing intimacy with your partner is to create a safe space for communication. It is essential to ensure that both you and your partner feel comfortable and safe talking about intimate issues. Start by finding a quiet, private space where you can have an honest and open conversation without any distractions. This can be in your home or in a neutral location, such as a quiet park or a hotel room. 

Let your partner know that you want to have an open and honest conversation and that you are open to hearing their thoughts and feelings as well. The most important part to creating a safe space is to make sure that you and your partner have enough time to have a conversation. You do not want to rush the discussion, as it can create more stress and misunderstandings. Preferably, you should avoid starting the conversation in the morning before work or after an exhausting day. Bringing up the topic on weekends or holidays gives you enough time to communicate effectively. 

Tip #2: Be open and honest

When discussing intimacy with your partner, it is important to be open and honest about your feelings and concerns. Communication is the key to any successful relationship and this should also include topics about intimacy. It is understandable to feel embarrassed or ashamed about your disability, but it is essential to let your partner know what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. For example, if you have mobility issues, you may need to discuss what positions work best for you or what adjustments need to be made.

Remember that communication is a two-way street. Your partner may have concerns or questions, and it is essential to listen to them patiently and answer honestly. Let them know that you understand their concerns and that you want to work together with them to find ways to make intimacy more comfortable and pleasurable for both of you.

Tip #3: Educate yourself and your partner

If you have a disability, it is essential to educate yourself and your partner about your condition and how it affects your ability to be intimate. This can include discussing the physical limitations that your disability may cause, as well as the emotional and mental aspects of them. It can also be helpful to research your disability and its impact on intimacy. There may be resources available online, such as forums or support groups, where you can connect with others who have similar experiences. You may also want to consider speaking with a healthcare professional, such as an occupational therapist or sex therapist, who can provide additional guidance and support.

Educating your partner about your disability can also help them understand what you are going through and how they can support you. Do you or your partner have any concerns or fears about it? Communicating and learning about these issues together can help alleviate those fears.


Tip #4: Focus on pleasure and connection

Intimacy doesn't have to be limited to sexual activity. There are many ways to connect with your partner on an intimate level, such as cuddling, holding hands, kissing, or simply spending time together. Focus on what feels good and pleasurable for you and your partner, and explore ways to deepen your emotional connection. It's important to explore different forms of intimacy and find what works best for you and your partner. If you're experiencing physical barriers to intimacy, such as limited mobility or chronic pain, consider exploring non-sexual forms of intimacy that can still help you feel close to your partner. It’s important to prioritize pleasure and connection over performance and to be open to experimenting and trying new things together.

Tip #5: Practice self-care

Lastly, it's essential to practice self-care when discussing intimacy with your partner.

Living with a disability can be emotionally and physically exhausting, so it is important to take care of your own physical and mental health. 

Finding some time, where your well-being is prioritized can tremendously help. Activities, such as reading, listening to music, and practicing mindfulness can bring in a lot of relaxation and joy but ultimately you can do whatever makes you feel at ease and what is best for you.

If you are having trouble taking care of your mental health, do not hesitate to seek out additional support and guidance if you need it. There are numerous resources available for individuals with disabilities who are navigating intimacy, including online support groups, therapy, and counseling.

By doing so, you'll be better equipped to engage in conversations about intimacy with your partner in a healthy and productive way. It's also helpful to remind yourself that intimacy is a shared experience and that you and your partner can work together to overcome any challenges or barriers that may arise.

In conclusion, navigating intimacy as an individual with a disability can be a complex and challenging journey. It takes time, effort, and patience to develop. However, once addressed, building and maintaining intimate relationships as an individual with a disability is definitely possible and can be, in fact, incredibly rewarding.

We hope that this article has provided you with valuable insights and practical advice on how to improve intimacy in your relationship. Also, we understand that these conversations may be challenging, but with the right mindset and approach, they can also be immensely gratifying. However, it's important to remember that every individual and relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. Nevertheless, take the first step, start the conversation, and enjoy the beautiful journey of intimacy with your partner. 

5 Tips on Talking to my partner about Intimacy with a Disability

Sex and intimacy are an important part of life and should be an equal, positive, and happy experience for you and your partner. Disabled people, people who live with chronic illness or a disability have the same needs, desires, and wants as non-disabled people. Your emotions and desires don’t necessarily change when you become disabled or chronically ill. I think that this is a massive taboo subject and one that needs addressing.

I became disabled after an injury and I had the partner that I have now before I had this injury. In my case talking about intimacy with him was fairly easy because we already had that connection and that open dialogue. However, it is not an easy subject to broach when you are newly in a relationship or if you are taking a long-term relationship to a new level of intimacy. This blog aims to guide you in the right direction by suggesting some tips for you. 

Communicate

My first tip when talking about intimacy is to start with good communication. This is the same for both disabled and non-disabled people I believe that this is something that is even more important when you have needs that have to be communicated to your partner. In my case, one of the conditions I have affects my nervous system and therefore the nerves to my sexual organs have also been affected. What would satisfy me prior to my diagnosis was no longer what I needed when becoming intimate. Fatigue also plays a major role in many disabled or chronically ill peoples’ lives so intimacy may feel like something that you just don’t have the energy for, and that’s ok too. There are no right or wrong answers here just what works for you. Remember that intimacy itself can come in many forms. Whether it’s sitting on the sofa and having a cuddle, holding hands, or lying in bed and caressing each other. It can also be intimate touching of yourself or your partner, mutual masturbation, or kissing. It does not necessarily need to lead to intercourse and penetration. Your partner cannot read your mind so you need to be at a place in your relationship to have the confidence for a full and frank conversation. This conversation should include what you like, what you don’t like, what you would like your partner to do with you, and what is off-limits. It is also worth mentioning here that some disabled and chronically ill people actually find sexual intercourse painful. You might not want to engage in this kind of activity at all, and that’s ok! Our body language, facial expressions, eye contact, level of distractedness, and tone of voice often are perceived more readily than the words that are being said. When we say actions speak louder than words it’s actually true in this case. Make more noise with what you are enjoying!

Explore

Tip two for me is to consider finding out what you enjoy first by exploring your own body and maybe the use of sex toys. There is nothing to be ashamed of by masturbating and finding out what works for you. Maybe you already know what works for you and that’s great if you do. There are a few companies whose sex toys are quite good for those with a disability. There are virtually hands-free toys for males and females. Have a little search online and the packaging is always discreet. If you are comfortable with pleasuring yourself then showing this to your partner will be easier. It’s also worth bearing in mind that nothing is ever perfect the first time, practice is needed to understand how your body responds and what things you enjoy. 

Boundaries

This can be both physical boundaries and emotional boundaries. Boundaries are not necessarily something that places a physical barrier between you and your partner. Having healthy boundaries set up in your life is a way of creating a safe space for you, your mental and physical health, and your identity. By creating these boundaries, you are setting expectations when interacting with your partner, and this can give you a sense of empowerment and self-respect. It will also ensure your physical and emotional comfort is being looked after. You can separate your wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings from the start so that there is no confusion or miscommunication. You might need to spend some time actually reflecting on this by yourself so that you are clear with what you are comfortable with. I enjoy journalling and I explore my feelings on a subject by looking for journal prompts for a topic. For example, ask yourself questions such as ‘Are there parts of your body that you would not be happy with being touched or even seen?’ ‘Am I ready for sharing aspects of my body with my partner?’ ‘Are there any unresolved issues from previous intimate encounters that I might need addressing prior to broaching the intimacy issue?’ ‘Are there any aspects of your illness or condition that you have not yet come to terms with and that you would prefer to keep to yourself.’ (This could include scarring from surgery, self-harm scarring, or anything that might trigger an emotional or negative reaction.)

 When it comes to actually having the conversation about intimacy there is no right or wrong way of going about it. Some examples of starting off a conversation could include; ‘I have really been enjoying all the time we have spent together and before we take things to another level by getting intimate, I would like to have a conversation about it so that we can make sure that we are on the same page.’ If something has prompted the conversation such as your partner going to kiss you and making other moves towards intimacy you could say, ‘I am so into this, I really love that our relationship is leading this way. I would like to have a discussion with you before we move any further than this so that we can feel comfortable with our boundaries’. It is a really exciting stage of a relationship so try and set these boundaries so you can feel completely relaxed about moving onto intimacy. Bear in mind that your boundaries may change over time with a flare-up or settling down of symptoms or if you try something you do not want to try again. Try to always keep an open line of communication with your partner and understand it’s okay for boundaries to change as you do. 

Educate Yourself

 I would advise learning as much as possible about your disability and how it will affect your intimate relationships. In some cases, sex can actually flare up symptoms. Conditions such as interstitial cystitis/ bladder pain syndrome can really have a disruptive effect on intimate encounters and indeed all aspects of sex. Many women with this condition or vulvodynia will have pain during intercourse or orgasm and it can also lead to a flare-up later on. Men with this condition can have genital or perineal pain after sex. Both of these problems can lead to a low libido or erectile dysfunction. This is just one condition that can affect intimate relationships, there are literally thousands of disabilities and chronic illnesses so educating yourself on your own is essential. It may be that your partner has a disability or long-term condition too, so learn as much as you can about their condition. There is always a massive amount on the internet by searching for your condition. Make sure that you are searching a reputable website and that the information that you are searching for is correct. You may need to speak to your doctor or specialist if you have a complex medical history and if you are worried about contraindications. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about doing this, your doctor will definitely have heard the question before and will not embarrassed answering your questions. If you are not comfortable doing this then you could look at going onto an anonymous sexual advice online service and ask questions there without feeling like you have seen someone face to face. 

Be Patient 

Remember that intimacy is a journey, and not everything has to happen in that first intimate encounter. It is likely that it will take time to find out what works best for you and your partner. Be patient with yourselves as you navigate this new and exciting aspect of your relationship together. I personally think that learning to laugh about the things that go wrong is a great way to be with your relationship and it takes the pressure off each other. You might need to experiment and take time to try different methods and different positions till you find what works for you. Again, this is the same for both disabled and non-disabled people. Patience and trial and error can lead to a really satisfying and fulfilling relationship.